Good, bad, happy, sad, listen, talk, pain, joy, anger, pleasure, smiles, tears, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, laughter, fun. Its life.
So when people leave, I’ve learned the secret: let them. Because, most of the time, they have to.
Let them walk away and go places. Let them have adventures in the wild without you. Let them travel the world and explore life beyond a horizon that you exist in. And know, deep down, that heroes aren’t qualified by their capacity to stay but by their decision to return.
The Staying Philosophy (Everyday Isa)
(Source: everydayisa.wordpress.com, via erikahomnes)
In the end, it’s either you will thank yourself for it or just regret it. Whatever happens, you will move on anyway so just do what you think is right for you.
“When I push you away, I want you to hold me tighter. When I walk away, I want you to pull me back to you. When I get mad at you, I want you to push me against the wall and kiss me. When I miss you, I want you to be there for me. When I feel you don’t want me, prove to me that I’m the only one.”
thelovenotebook (via thelovenotebook)
Missing someone is when you’re constantly looking at your phone and waiting for his messages to pop up. Missing someone is wishing that at this very moment, he’ll surprisingly show himself up to erase that emptiness you’re feeling. Missing someone is staying awake late at night and thinking of those possible things he’s doing why you’re not hearing anything from him for a long time. Missing someone is counting the days since you last talk and trying to recall if you did or say anything wrong that might be the reason why he’s not contacting you since then. Missing someone is waking up lonely on a Saturday morning because you have no one to spend the whole day with and do silly things with like what you used to do when you’re together. Missing someone is seeing something that reminds you of him and feeling weak because the more you see that certain thing, the more you miss him.
And let me tell you, I’m going through those things and even if I try to push the thought away that I miss you so badly, the way I act says it all. I even carry my phone everywhere, waiting for it to vibrate and waiting for it to ring that I always get disappointed when I received texts and it’s not from you. And I’m not just missing you. I’m missing that me — the joyful, cheerful, naughty me that always come to life every time I’m with you. Because when you’re not around, loneliness is always my best friend. I barely laugh, I barely smile and I’m always hot-tempered. I’m waiting for something so dear and so important that when other people tell me not to get myself too attached, my mind yells back “You don’t care.” And the worst part of missing someone is those negative thoughts telling you that this someone who’s name is permanently curved in your mind doesn’t feel the same thing, he’s not even missing you. I’m not even sure if you’re going back to those old conversations of ours and if you’re waiting for me to show up. I’m not even sure if you’re also feeling down and if you also have the eagerness to see me, or talk to me. Missing you sucks, you know. It’s better if I’m kissing you instead of missing you.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.
The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.
The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”
The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love.
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